Do you feel like you’ve lost your sense of self and that you’re invisible to other people? Are you worried that you’re the only person that must have these thoughts during menopause?
Well, the truth is that you aren’t the only one. A third of women say they feel less attractive than they did before menopause (1).
How we perceive ourselves during menopause is affected in a multitude of ways. Societal attitudes, physical symptoms, midlife responsibilities and a niggling inner voice can all have a negative impact, leaving us feeling unattractive.
Navigating menopause isn’t easy but understanding how this transitional life stage can influence self-esteem and the things you can do to reframe your thoughts is a great first step towards capturing your old self or flourishing into an even better version of you.
Does menopause make you feel unattractive?
Many of us will have days where we look in the mirror and don’t feel our best or lack a little confidence.
However, in menopause, it’s common to find yourself having negative thoughts or poor body image most, or all, of the time. A study of over 75,000 postmenopausal women revealed that 83% have experienced dissatisfaction with how they look (2).
How does menopause contribute to feelings of unattractiveness?
It’s not surprising that so many women feel unattractive during menopause given how many aspects of life it can interfere with from sleep and libido to weight and skin texture.
There may be one pressing issue that makes you feel unattractive, or it could be a combination of:
- Physical changes
- Emotional changes
- Stigma and media messaging
- Sexual dissatisfaction
- Life pressures
Physical changes
Menopause is the result of declining levels of the hormones oestrogen and progesterone. While this eventually causes loss of ovarian function and menstrual periods, these hormones play a key role in functions throughout the body.
This is why during menopause women can experience a host of physical changes and symptoms that contribute to feelings of unattractiveness. Such changes and symptoms include:
- Weight gain, particularly around the abdomen
- Loss of breast tissue
- Vaginal atrophy
- Urinary incontinence
- Voice huskiness or deepening
- Dry mouth
- Acne
- Body odour
- Brittle nails
- Dry and/or fragile skin
- Pigmentation
- Scalp hair loss
- Excess facial or body hair
- Hot flushes
- Night sweats
Find out more in our extensive guide to menopause symptoms.
Emotional changes
Menopause can also have a profound impact on your mental and cognitive health, leading to:
- Sadness
- Anxiety
- Isolation
- Tearfulness
- Low mood
- Irritability
- Difficulty concentrating
- Depression
Feeling unattractive when experiencing these symptoms is common. For example, depression can leave you feeling detached from yourself and distort your self-perception while anxiety can leave you worrying about what others think about how you look.
Learn more about the link between menopause and depression.
Stigma and media messaging
Menopause has long held negative connotations in many societies which has led to embarrassment, a lack of public awareness and miscommunication about this transitional life stage (3).
This has resulted in 83% of women reporting they feel stigma associated with their menopause symptoms and 37% of women feeling shame related to their symptoms (4).
Moreover, the way menopause is represented in the media has fuelled the notion that it signals undesirability and a loss of social worth (5) in comparison to younger women, which can all compound feelings of unattractiveness.
In one survey, 17% of menopausal women thought their partner would prefer a younger woman and 37% believed menopause marked the beginning of old age (6).
Sexual dissatisfaction
Over a third of women in perimenopause and menopause report having sexual difficulties (7), such as:
- A loss of libido
- Trouble achieving orgasm
- Vaginal dryness
- Vaginal atrophy
- Arousal difficulty
- Painful intercourse
If these symptoms lead to you having less sex, you may feel disconnected from your partner, leading to a sense of rejection or worry about being undesirable.
Over time, this lack of closeness can create a negative feedback loop where feeling unattractive exacerbates sexual difficulties, further decreasing intimacy.
Life pressures
Life pressures often leave women with little time or energy to focus on themselves. These differ for everyone but can include:
- Raising children
- Navigating demanding careers
- Managing relationship strain
- Caring for ageing parents
- Dealing with other health issues
The constant juggling of responsibilities can lead to self-neglect, whether through lack of self-care, a diminished focus on personal desires and goals or fatigue.
Read more about menopause fatigue and how it can have an impact.
Over time, this self-neglect can erode confidence and contribute to feelings of unattractiveness, as women may feel disconnected from their own needs and sense of identity. Combined with the physical and emotional changes of menopause, these pressures can create a perfect storm of self-doubt and diminished self-worth.
How to boost how you feel about yourself in menopause
Menopause is a time of transition, but it doesn’t have to be a negative one. By embracing positive habits and mindsets, you can nurture your self-confidence and well-being. Here are some practical ways to reconnect with yourself and feel more attractive during this stage of life:
Accept the stage of life you’re in
Acknowledging menopause as a natural and inevitable part of life can help shift your perspective.
Instead of focusing on losses, embrace the wisdom you’ve gained and look forward to the experiences that are still yet to come. By reframing menopause as a new chapter, you can embrace it with positivity and reduce feelings of being ‘less than’ now that you’ve reached this stage.
Learn to love yourself
It’s easy to focus on physical appearance when you’re feeling unattractive, but you are so much more than how you look. Learning to love yourself in your entirety is key to building your confidence back.
- Practice self-compassion by appreciating your body for everything it has done and continues to do.
- Stop comparing yourself to others.
- Replace negative self-talk with affirmations that focus on your strengths and achievements.
- Celebrate the unique individual that you are.
- Focus on the qualities that make you feel confident and valuable.
Carve out ‘me’ time
Amid life’s demands and navigating menopause symptoms, find time to prioritise and reconnect with yourself. Focus on practices and activities that bring you joy, evoke inner peace and strengthen your sense of self. This may be:
- Journalling
- A relaxing bath
- Starting a new hobby
- Taking a quiet walk
- Making new outfits from your existing wardrobe
- Going to the hairdresser and getting a new style
- Joining a yoga class (there are many benefits to doing yoga during menopause)
Establish a mutual support system
Connect with friends, family, or support groups who understand and uplift you. Sharing experiences with others who have similar feelings can reduce isolation and foster a sense of belonging. A strong support network can provide encouragement and perspective during difficult moments.
Seek professional help
If feelings of unattractiveness or low self-worth persist, consider speaking to a therapist or counsellor. Professionals can help you process emotions, identify underlying issues, and develop strategies to rebuild confidence and self-love.
In addition, a menopause specialist can not only help with the emotional challenges that arise in menopause but also recommend treatment options for the physical symptoms that compound negative feelings, breaking the cycle at play.
Adopt an integrated approach
Boosting how you feel during menopause involves nurturing both body and mind. This approach may involve:
- A healthy diet
- Regular exercise
- Hormone replacement therapy (HRT)
- Herbal remedies
- Stress management practices
- Cognitive behavioural therapy
- Hypnotherapy
By caring for yourself holistically during menopause, you can enhance your overall confidence and well-being. Our guide to managing menopause can help you get started.
At Menopause Care, we have a team of menopause doctors, each with a focus on different aspects of menopause. Dr Rebecca Smithson specialises in mental health, CBT and hypnotherapy. To find out more about how she empowers women to be the best version of themselves, read more on her profile or book a free CBT/hypnotherapy discovery call.
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